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Dating one liners

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

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If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling. Always remember: one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend; but she left me before we met. Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe. Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free.

If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.

Something tells me that I shouldn't date until the world makes sense again. Divorce - from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.

Some women get excited about nothing, and then marry him.

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