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Radical queer dating

I was extremely bummed and frustrated when I saw this.

There is nothing worse for your self-esteem than having your existence consistently denied.

Lack of visibility and acknowledgement of trans people leads to hardship in many aspects of life, dating being a big one.

There is likely more diversity of bodies in the category transgender than in male and female combined. Maybe that is because I am a man and I identify within the binary and most non-binary people might pick transgender much more often, but my point in bringing this up is that making me choose between male and transgender is extremely invalidating to my gender.

I am both male and trans and I should never have to pick between them because I cannot separate them out, they exist within one body, mine.

I’m sure the app expects that people assigned female at birth (trans masculine people) and people assigned male at birth (trans feminine people) are going to put what their birth assignment was.

And for that, I blame this ridiculous “gender and sex are different” myth that we’ve been teaching people.Apps like 3nder, designed to set up threesomes for both couples and singles, offers nineteen different options for sexuality including traditionally erased categores like gynesexual and androsexual, and demisexual and gray-asexual. But unfortunately their gender options are female, male, and then a category that says “TS/TV/TG”.They literally put transvestite, a fetish label usually claimed by heterosexual cisgender men and not a gender at all, in with transgender and transsexual (the latter being a term most people find to be outdated and offensive).It ignores the fact that many trans males are going to put male and many trans females are going to put female.These terms are not universally applied in the same way.And I get that this is necessary since the mainstream ones seem to exclude us.But honestly I shouldn’t have to go on a separate app where people who have trans fetishes congregate because Tinder is pretending I don’t exist.The bottom line is that if dating apps want to be functional, they need to be for all people. The specter of violence that trans people always have in the back of their minds, a cissexist system that insists that males/females have one type of body and those are the only bodies that exist, and a lack of visibility that allows it all to continue.But visibility could start in that very space and we need to start demanding that it does.There is no way to know when is the right time; as a young woman in Laverne Cox’s documentary Unfortunately these apps do not solve all the problems that confront trans people when dating.Every app and site requires that you put your gender when creating an account.

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