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Online dating made easy the things you dont know ebook
But surprisingly, many people don’t know the fundamentals of good communication, and as a result, their relationships pay the price.
We know you know it already: Communication is key to a good relationship.
And when communication breaks down, the relationship almost inevitably goes south.
When you make “you” statements, all your partner hears is blame and criticism.
“I” statements, on the other hand, are much more effective, because they allow your message to be correctly heard and understood.
“I” statements are much more likely to elicit concern and caring from your partner: “I’m sorry.
I had no idea you were feeling that way.” “I” statements don’t cause defensiveness, because they don’t seem to be pointing out how bad your partner is.Nothing shuts down communication quicker than a judgmental attitude.So if your partner is telling you something that’s important to him or her, or is trying to express certain feelings, do your best to avoid saying something like “No, that’s terrible idea” or “That’s crazy to feel that way!For example, if your partner says something like “I can’t believe I didn’t get that promotion!I’ve been there a year longer than that guy,” then you might respond, “That really made you mad, didn’t it?Then, after you feel as though he or she has had a chance to express those feelings, it can be helpful to use the phrase “I’ve got some ideas that might be helpful when you’re ready.” Remember your Body Language Keep in mind that how you communicate is often as important as what’s actually being said.So whether you’re talking or listening, pay attention to what you’re communicating nonverbally.Lots of people commit this communication sin, but men are especially likely to do it.If a woman is talking about a problem she’s having with one of her friends or at work, instead of hearing her out and letting her talk about the situation, her boyfriend often will jump in immediately with the “obvious answer” to the problem. She may have just needed to express her feelings—not have him make everything better or try to rescue her.So in the future, instead of saying, “You try to make me feel stupid by always correcting me,” say something like, “I feel put down when you correct little things I say.” It’s a subtle difference, but when you begin your sentences with “I” rather than “you,” you’ll save your relationship from a lot of grief, and you’ll have a better shot at understanding each other in a deeper way.Mirror What you Hear Many people think of listening as a passive activity. One of the best ways to listen actively is to “mirror” what you hear your partner saying, so that he or she knows you’re really listening.