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You look so intimidating
—Gabby GABBY: Do you remember what if felt like the first time someone described you as intimidating?
Intimidation could just be feeling like you’re inadequate in comparison to a person.
You feel like you’re not cool enough to even talk to them or know them.
GABBY: But people also project their own insecurities, too. If I meet someone who is dressed really well, or just doesn’t seem interested in getting to know me, I write them off as intimidating or too cool instead of risking approaching them and having them reject me.
I get intense admiration for people, and then get nervous that it won’t be reciprocated! HAZEL: I don’t think being selective makes you intimidating, and you’ll always encounter people who seem genuine and then it turns out they’re not, so it’s good to be aware of the vibes you get from people or what they’re saying about you.
I initially accepted people telling me I was intimidating, but the more I thought it the angrier I got. At first I interpreted it to mean mysterious or unapproachable; since I usually felt so self-conscious and insecure, I kind of thought, I definitely used to get people saying, “Before I knew you, I thought you were a bitch.” That concerns me so much, because it makes me wonder what they were basing that assessment on—MY RESTING FACIAL EXPRESSION? Also, I felt that by calling me intimidating, people were trying to turn into something negative, as in “I don’t want to work in a group with Gabby, she intimidates me.” HAZEL: Oh shit, you’re right!
Just thinking about this on a deeper level, I think I’m just really weirded out that the way I see myself isn’t how others see me, you know? Like, immediately disliking another girl because you actually LOVE her outfit or something surface-y. When I first met one of my best friends, I didn’t like her because she was just like me.I would avoid being overly sexy too it will undermine your authority. I would go smart tailoring, slim line trousers with a cami and blazer. DON'T have crazy weird makeup that you wouldn't normally wear (red lipstick, eye liner) because it will make you feel self-conscious and that will undermine the effect. Looking vaguely disappointed when people speak is also a good skill. I don't think you'll look intimidating as you described in the OP, I think you would be in danger of looking like an 80s power dressing caricature.. Sounds crazy but it works, although I wouldn't recommend it in a business context A bit of passive aggression could work? Ive noticed Men are very good at filling as much if the available space as possible, making themselves physically bigger. )Heels to increase height - high heeled boots if you can't take court shoes. Have your papers in order and with a smart clip, not a stripey paperclip or anything "fun". "I will need to give that some thought"; "that is my decision" "could you explain that please? Get some phrases ready "your plan does not align with my vision"; "I am not satisfied that this proposal meets the needs of our company". I was mega-excited when I got to the age I could wear reading glasses.But sometimes my instincts are right—I’ve met new people and thought they were too cool for me because they like they were too good to talk to me. HAZEL: I don’t want to waste time with people who won’t give me the time of day! I think we uphold this idea of, like, That is great and awesome, but it’s also totally normal to care what people think of you.But yeah, it seems like intimidation is all about projection. GABBY: But does being selective about your friends make you seem intimidating? GABBY: Yes—I do not want people to assume the wrong things about me, so I guess I care what they think up to a point.Slightly unusual one possibly: I'm having some business contacts come over for a few days. They've also announced that they'll be managing our joint venture - I'm having none of this (they're basically Ineffectiveness Plc) and need to scare them into submission. Unfortunately for me I'm pathologically friendly (I can work with that), very slender and basically look like a 13-year-old with unlikely wrinkles. I'm basically going for a look that says 'poorly masked danger'. I'd wear a dark pair of trousers, like cigarette pants, small heels or nice ballet shoes, a white business shirt and a black or blue blazer open. I had problems with that until I learnt to use the 'pause', just learn to keep quiet and let them do most of the talking. I'd also have tea, water, juices and biscuits on the table with enough glasses and a carafe so you're not having to play servant. Sit with your back to the window and let them squint into the sunlight. Try it on your partner for 2 mins -head still, hands still, fixed gaze. I need to look scary and to achieve that I need some serious help! Add a nice scarf or jewellery and put on neutral make up and a good lippy. I think I'd find it a bit weird having a business meeting with someone who had vamped up. Your confidence level soars because you are in control. Which I think I DID, because I basically tore apart his sexist, racist statements in class in a way that made him question his existence! I think confidence definitely gets roped in with intimidation, too.Like, if you’re a girl and you argue against something, people easily perceive you as an angry bitch.